Johnny Wolf\'s PUA Blog

I recently did an interview with an Asian friend of mine, Ryker Koh for his product, Asian Dating Superstars.

Having compiled the top limiting beliefs and mental obstacles Asian guys face that prevents them from having successful in dating and enjoying a great sex life, Ryker sought my opinion on how Asian guys can overcome disappointment and be more confident with women and in bed.

Here’s just a short snippet of our 1hr 20min interview. (You can find the full interview here at Asian Dating Superstars)

Ryker Koh: I think one of the biggest hang-up that a lot of Asian guys have is that they feel that being Asian is a big strike against them because the media sometimes portray Asians as being weak, very effeminate, and very beta and as a result most Asians sometimes have a certain self loading and inferiority complex.

So what are your opinions on this and how can this culture stereotype of the geeky Asian and the very nerdy Asian be overcome?

Johnny Wolf: Well, the thing about the Asian male stereotypes, these are one of the things that we can discuss for hours and hours and hours and never really have a solid answer to.

There’s a lot of guys that waste months and years. William, who runs Better Asian Man now but used to run a lot of pro like Asian-American websites and discussions personally says, “I wasted five years of my life discussing it and never do anything about it.” That’s the inherent problem, is if we want to talk about it, if we’re going to spend our energy, we should do something about it.

So where I stand is, yes, there are some disadvantages, socially, in the media, culturally that prevent us from being very attractive. However, they’re not in stone, these are things that we can overcome.

So if we have to become more attractive, become more social, have better game and try harder, so be it. Let us work harder and that is something that we can do. That is what I had to do. I had to realize I’m not going to be the best looking guy. I’m not going to be in the best shape. I’m not going to have the most passive social value.

I’m not going to look like a movie star. I’m not going to have any of that. So when I want the hot girl, I have to work 10 times harder and I’m willing to do that and I can get the girl.

I can get the same quality hot girl as a white guy or a black guy but I just have to work harder and that’s what I realized.

So that’s why we come up with all these different methods. So instead of working harder and stressing ourselves out, now we can work smarter and we can use our Asian brains to take that, use our strengths, why not?

Ryker Koh: I think a lot of Asian guys sometimes feel that they have to start acting white and start embracing white culture and start acting Caucasian in order to be successful.

Or they are doomed to remain in the Asian stereotype which is geeky, nerdy and sort of computer programmer dude for the rest of their life. Is there a way in your opinion that they can be both comfortable in their Asian ethnicity and identity and still has success?

Johnny Wolf: Definitely.

I think the only way to do it is to find the extreme of both and find a good calibration in the middle. For me personally, I grew up very Asian, the Asian neighborhood in San Francisco.

But what had happened is when I moved to college, it was my first time really exposed to white people and the main reason why it happened was my roommate who happened to be the whitest guy in the world and hang out with him.
He exposed me to a lot of things that I had never wouldn’t have done. He was on the in crew, which is like a rowing club. So we started going kayaking together. We started doing a lot of nature stuff, going hiking. Things that, you know, normally my Asian friends will never do.

All of a sudden for two years, I was basically doing what white people would do all the time. You know doing the outdoor active stuff, go to like a rock concert.

Things that I would never think of and what that did was that exposed me to both sides of the world and I realized that instead of us trying to only be a white or only be Americanized or only keep our cultural roots, it’s okay to have both.

So what I’d recommend is keep the culture.

Don’t lose ourselves because it is actually an exotic thing. A lot of white girls like Asian culture. They love it but the problem and the reason why a lot of like American girls will feel a little bit uncomfortable is they don’t understand the culture.

Like for example, let’s say you hang out with the group of 10 Asian guys or maybe there’s a couple of Asian girls mixed in and all of a sudden you invite one white girl into the group. She’s going to feel very uncomfortable. That’s really all it is. It’s like your life is 100% Asian and you’re trying to talk to a white girl, she’s going to feel like you don’t even really understand her and she can’t understand you. So obviously, she’s scared.

On the other side is a lot of the things that white people do and American people do, actually are attractive, doing the outdoor adventure stuff. First, it gets you in good shape.

Second, doing the fun outdoor things. These are very exciting. They build adrenaline and they get you in the sun, which is a very attractive quality in the western world.

Ryker Koh: I think the next question that a lot of Asian guys have is this whole fear of embarrassment.

They are afraid that their friends and family might know that they are out there picking up women and because of this whole fear of embarrassment, guys don’t actually go out and try and go all out because of the fear damaging their reputation.

So is there a way out for people who are worried about their reputation and this whole fear of embarrassment?

Johnny Wolf: Well, first off if your embarrassment definitely is real and it is unique to Asian guys.

When you’re kid and you do something wrong and your mom says that to you, that’s like the biggest slap in the world. That stays with us forever.

So this is definitely real, but then again you’re correct where if we don’t go out, we don’t try and we don’t risk rejection, there’s no way to succeed.

So what I recommended to you guys is to go to a different city to practice. Don’t shit where you eat. Don’t practice at work or at school or around your local house.

Go somewhere where you’re not going to be recognized. That’s why a lot of times when we teach boot camps, people like to fly out to Las Vegas where people are just kind of having fun and not – you don’t really know each other. In Asia, there is Macau.

There are different places that you can travel to, it doesn’t have to be another country, it can just be another city over where you practice and go out.

The thing is, the nightclub, people generally don’t care as much.

It’s a fun social environment, it’s very different from gaming during the day but even then, most of it is in our head. I mean if you think about it in our minds, we can think of the harshest rejections.

So if you haven’t done 100 approaches before, you really don’t know what’s going to happen.

So what I would recommend to every guy is either on your own or during a boot camp, go to a different city, do your first 100 approaches and realize, learn from that experience because you can do 100 approaches in a weekend which is very remarkable. In three days, we’ve had guys do 100 approaches.

If anything, you learn 100 different ways to get rejected and you’ll find out that none of them are that bad and all of them you can recover from.

If you found that useful, realize that I reveal even more tips in the full, entire interview including … how Asian guys can overcome negative programming that have been drilled into their heads since birth, break out of the weak “Asian” male stereotype and eliminate other Asian-specific insecurities to become a sexually confident and attractive Asian man that naturally attracts women.

Listen to the full interview at: Asian Dating Superstars.

Or check out the free report here: http://www.asiandatingsuperstars.com/?freereport=37